If There’s a God, let it be Chicago he’s signed to

Photograph by Mark Seliger of GQ

Photograph by Mark Seliger of GQ

It only took a year but he’s gone. Yup, Tim Tebow was released Monday by the New York Jets after spending only a year on the team.

Later that day, all the females in New York picketed outside the Jets’ stadium, chanting, “Bring him back, our panties want him back!” But seriously, what will the females in New York do now that the sexiest NFL player has left their team?

While most of Tebow’s time was spent on the sideline, with only 6 completed passes for 39 yards in 2012, he is now free to explore other options—like my bed!

Those other options, other than my bed, include: Chicago Bears, San Diego Chargers, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, New England Patriots and Montreal Alouettes, according to Sports Illustrated.

The Jets’ loss is the Chicago Bears’ gain. If Chicago’s new coach, Marc Trestman, and former Jets  quarterback coach Matt Cavanaugh sign Tebow, they will have one of the largest increases in female presence at games ever seen.

Let’s be honest, the only reason females go to football games is to dress slutty, get wasted and then gawk at those buns of steel bouncing up and down. If Trestman and Cavanaugh sign Tebow, women all over the Chicagoland area will wedge their dollar bills at game tickets—and in Tebow’s boxer briefs.

Tebow will now have to pass through waivers—and my pants. Teams will have until 4 p.m. ET Tuesday to put in claims for him, not before mine though.

Tebow was informed Monday morning that he will be waived and the team put out a statement:

“We have a great deal of respect for Tim Tebow,” said Jets head coach Rex Ryan. “Unfortunately, things did not work out the way we all had hoped. Tim is an extremely hard worker, evident by the shape he came back in this offseason. We wish him the best moving forward.”

He is an extremely hard worker? You don’t say? Look at those glistening abs and sculpted triceps. Don’t even get me started on his buttocks.

For his career, Tebow completed 173-of-361 passes for 2,422 yards, 17 touchdowns and 9 interceptions for a 75.2 passer rating, and added 989 yards and 12 touchdowns on 197 rushes.

The final Tebow bill: It cost the Jets a fourth-round pick and $1.5 million in salary, plus $2.5 million they had to pay the Denver Broncos to satisfy part of the trade agreement, according to ESPN.

If there is a God up there—highly unlikely—please persuade Trestman and Cavanaugh to sign that perfectly sculpted, rock-hard buttocks of a man, Tebow, onto for the Chicago Bears.


One thought on “If There’s a God, let it be Chicago he’s signed to

  1. Pingback: If There’s a God, let it be Chicago he’s signed to | GET REAL FOOTBALL

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