Go Home Chicago Sports Teams; You’re Drunk!

Chicago's Sports Teams

Chicago’s Sports Teams

Saturday, April 20, was a sad day indeed for Chicago sports teams, as all four that competed, lost  in the same day.

The Chicago Cubs lost to the Cincinnati Reds, 5-4, presenting the Cubs with their fourth consecutive loss.

Luis Valbuena hit a 2-run homer in the top of the 13th off Alfredo Simon (2-1) for a 4-2 Cubs lead. Chicago played one of its best all-around games, but once again couldn’t pull one out in the late innings.

“It’s just frustrating for those guys,” Cubs manager Dale Sveum said to The Washington Post.

Frustrating? More like the standard at which the team plays. There was nothing unusual about the Cubs losing Saturday afternoon.

The White Sox struck out 13 times and scored their one run on Alejandro De Aza‘s home run in the first inning of their 2-1, 10-inning loss to the Minnesota Twins.

“Any time a guy pitches like that, it’s always one of those unfortunate things you don’t get him a win,” White Sox manager Robin Ventura said in a press conference. “He’s been pitching well enough to get a couple of wins out of it. (Saturday) it was the same.”

Well, that is a little more jaw-dropping due to the White Sox’ previous games. They’ve only won 7 of their 19 games this season. Chicago can at least say baseball is not its best sport. Basketball is of course—well, maybe not after Saturday’s game.

Ripping apart the vaunted Chicago Bulls defense during an impressive second quarter, the Brooklyn Nets punctuated their return to the postseason with a 106-89 victory on Saturday night.

Carlos Boozer had 25 points and 8 rebounds for the Bulls, who had Joakim Noah in the starting lineup despite foot pain. But he was clearly limited and there was no reason to play him more than the 14 minutes he got with the game never in doubt after halftime.

“It was the end of the first (quarter) and they hit us with a haymaker, got us back on our heels,” Bulls coach Tom Thibodeau said to USA Today. “So end of the first, second quarter, poor defense, poor intensity, poor energy on offense. You can’t win like that.”

Don’t even get me started on Derrick Rose. Noah even got off his fine—God sculpted—ass and played the game with an injured foot. Rose, we have all seen you on YouTube and during practices performing layups and slam-dunks. Get off your—now sagging as hell—ass and play the game.

The Chicago Blackhawks lost in a shootout, giving Phoenix a 3-2 victory, snapping the Coyotes’ 3-game losing streak and preserving their fading playoff hopes.

Chicago defenseman Brent Seabrook scored 2 power-play goals in regulation for his first 2-goal game this season and second of his career.

Blackhawks coach Joel Quenneville also liked his team’s play with the man advantage, adding to Fox Sports, “I thought we had good motion and good movement, good options, it’s nice to see some finished product.”

If there ever was a day to not be an alcoholic, it would have been on Saturday night. With a full bottle of wine in my stomach and flames in my eyes over the Blackhawks game, I grabbed another bottle of wine.

How could all four teams perform so horribly on the same day? I could see the Cubs and the Bulls losing on the same day—they’re not one for great performance—but to see the Sox and the Hawks perform the way they did was a disgrace to Chicago.

Chicago sports, you’re killing me. How can I root for all four teams when I’ve seen your performances on Saturday? I am more than disappointed; I am downright furious about each and every team’s presentation and appearance.

Go home Chicago sports teams; you’re drunk—and nowhere near as drunk as I was after your games on Saturday.


2 thoughts on “Go Home Chicago Sports Teams; You’re Drunk!

  1. Arent chicago sports teams normally bad and in huge droughts? Aside from the blackhawks, the white sox have only one once in a long time, cubs havent won in forever, bears havent won since the 80s, and the bulls have done nothing since the Jordan era.

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