Opinion

NovemBeard–Sexy or Disturbing?

Orthodox Man with Beard in Jerusalem

Orthodox Man with Beard in Jerusalem (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Walking through the halls of Harper College I have found myself gazing at more and more older looking males. I thought at first maybe there are more old men coming to Harper for classes, until I look down and their boxers are hanging out. “This can’t be an adult, it has to be a teenager,” I thought to myself. Sure enough, Harper College’s boys and young adults are going beard crazy.

This month, along with December, has become a strange time for men to forget about their appearance and become grandpas. From what I understand, September, November, and December have been turned into; Septembeard, Novembeard, and Decembeard. This makes these three months extremely hairy for us females. Men take the time to put down their razors and become unbelievably old looking, which to me is incredibly absurd.

From a female perspective, it is your body do as you please to it, however when your girlfriend or significant other doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, look in the mirror. Do you really think that is attractive? Here are some things to take into consideration when having these so called, “monthly beards”.

First off, your beard hurts our gentle and smooth faces. We really do not appreciate making out with a face full of hair. There is no need to be coughing up a hair ball. Your beards leave red marks and even sometimes bruising from “make out sessions”. Personally, if I wanted to make out with someone who looks like my 80-year-old grandpa, I would go to him.

Secondly, many of you do not take the time to take care of these beards that you so called “worship”. If you care so much about their appearances, take care of them. Pick up a pair of scissors and trim the bloody thing. You have uneven hairs and I personally do not like looking down onto your face and seeing some long hairs and some short hairs. It is creepy as hell. If you wish to grow the damn thing out do so with fashion please. And by far to no extent do females like men who have braided beards. That is unattractive and weird looking, especially when it gets into your cheddar cheese soup.

Finally, there are some men out there who have very sexy hair and it does not equal to sexiness on your face. Let me elaborate. For those blondes out there who have some Irish, Scottish, or even British in you, you will find your facial hairs turning a reddish color. Meaning, your hair is a beautiful blonde and your face is turning the color of a cherry. That is weird. If this is happening to you, you may think at first, “oh dude, this is freaking awesome. Red hair on my face,” however by looking at it you look more and more like a leprechaun to the females. Please go search for your pot of gold in the bathroom and shave off your cherry looking beard.

By having these glorious three months of men looking like grandpas and Santa Clause, please do not be shocked when you aren’t getting any from the female population. We do not find it attractive or sexy. If at anything it is painful and embarrassing. However, I am one to look on the better side of things and then remember, with less “cuddling” and “canoodling” there will be few females coming to class pregnant. Hooray for birth control, your beards!

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